Love Letters From Prison

From the Author:

I began writing these letters to Michael when I was taken to prison. I did not know how long I would be in prison. I had lost everything, including custody of my daughter. These letters started out in the hopes that Michael would stay by my side, that I wouldn’t lose him, too. The reality is that I had lost myself. I wrote to search for something, but I didn’t know what; I didn’t know that I had lost myself. They begin in darkness and doubt. I wasn’t supposed to go to prison, and these letters initially seek to reconcile my belongingness as an inmate. They expand on the question of belongingness to humanity.

On that first day in prison, I wrote to Michael. I wouldn’t realize until much later on that these letters to Michael were really letters to myself. It was through these letters that I found forgiveness, both for myself and for the man who had left me for dead in the driveway. I found grace, patience, acceptance, and hope. I found myself. It was through these letters that I was able to sift through my grief and heartache, that I was able to reconcile a man’s death on my conscience, and found how to rise from the ashes of my former life. I was able to reconcile, to grow, and to heal.

The letters explore the philosophical and ethical questions surrounding how I accidentally killed someone. They explore the social justice of the judicial system. They explore belongingness; hurt, trauma, grief, forgiveness. Brene Brown says that hurt not transformed gets transmitted; my story is proof of that. This story is also proof of self-healing. These letters develop over the course of a two-year incarceration in five facilities.

These letters are a love story; a story of unrequited, longing love, and a story of overcoming tremendous suffering. These letters are a testament to the power of love – both for the Self and for another - and to the power in redemption. They are raw and intimate and vulnerable, and they get funny. The ultimate question that I strive to answer throughout these letters is: How shall I live? More specifically, how can a killer love someone? Can a killer be loved? How does one pick up the pieces of a life totally shattered? Can I be a good person after killing someone? What is my ethical responsibility to be a hurt person who hurt someone? How can I love another person wholly until I love myself?